Faith, Hope and Love

"But now abide faith, hope and love, these three;

but the greatest of these is love."  1 Corinthians 13:13

Three years ago today my Nana (grandmother) passed away.  After a hard battle with Pancreatic Cancer, her frail body was placed into the hands of Jesus.  My world was turned upside-down.  What could I continue to believe?  Who was this God who says he is all-powerful and yet cannot or will not heal?  What is the point of all this and why did this happen to someone as amazing as her?  Scripture records that God will bring a long-life to those who follow His commands- wrong.  Scripture records that God will guard us and keep us - wrong again.  So many of the passages I had set to memory were frantically erased and I was left in a void of sorrow, loneliness and anger.

The first week was a blurr.  We had also lost our house two days earlier and were trying to move everything asap before the locks were changed.  I often look back at that January and wonder how I managed to survive.  I was in the middle of credential school- but everything came to a halt.  I could not operate.

I began credential school again in February and would cry during the 30 minute drive to school and then cry 30 minutes home.  In between crying and praying I had three thoughts along my journey of grief (btw, I'm still in that journey.  If you're in that journey, give yourself time and grace.) 

1.  What would my Nana believe?  I have a huge respect for my Nana and her faith in God.  She taught and lived the Bible every opportunity she could. 

"I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who lives

but Christ lives in me.  And the life which I now

live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loves me,

and delivered himself up for me." 

What strikes me is the term, "faith in the Son of God."  I'm no scholar, but I did a little study and found out that in the original Greek, this small article "in" is more accurately translated "of."  So I live by faith of the Son of God.  We are to live as part of Jesus; operating under his faith.  We are hidden with Christ!  I live out of Jesus' faith, not my own.  Which is a good thing since at this point in my life, my faith was at an all-time low.  My Nana had great faith and even though I felt my faith was shaky, if I trusted the faith of Jesus to hold me through I would be okay.  Taking that leap of faith to believe even when I do not feel it, is what the Christian faith is all about.

2.  What would life be like without hope?  No matter the depth of my sorrow, I know deep inside that I will see my Nana again.  This is not a wishy-washy kind of hopin' and prayin', but a good strong knowing, almost more of an expectancy.  Hope is another word our English language has ruined.  Hope is so casual and almost fake.  A better definition would be to anticipate with confidence!  I am determined to hope in my Savior.

3.  If you've ever lost a loved one, you know one of the most difficult realizations is when your brain automatically kicks your verbs into past tense.  I purposely tried to keep my stories about my Nana in the present tense- but that got a bit weird.  Eventually, I had to succumb to the fact that she really was gone.  One thing I thought about was that love is an attribute of God.  Which means, love is just as alive today as it was yesterday and even better...tomorrow.  Love does not stop!  It would be an injustice to love to say, "my Nana loved me" because I guarantee she still loves me!  Just because she is not here right now to express that love, does not mean the love does not exist!  Love is eternal.  Love never ends.

My Nana Loves Me!

On this anniversary, although I am sad, I am full of hope, overflowing with faith and held up by an everlasting love my Nana and I share in the bond of Christ Jesus our Lord.

Bonhoeffer's Parents

"This kind of environment was the perfect breeding

ground for a young theologian!"

In the book I'm reading, the author describes Dietrich Bonhoeffer's parents.  It is interesting how different they were in so many ways, but how the two together formed a powerful alliance.

Karl Bonhoeffer (Dietrich's father), worked as the head of psychiatry and neurology in Berlin, Germany.  "Karl was wary of anything beyond what one might observe with one's senses or deduce from those observations.  Concerning both psychoanalysis and religion, he might be termed an agnostic.  There was a strong atmosphere in his home against fuzzy thinking..."  The children grew up knowing if they were going to say anything, it had to be something they could prove with a sustainable argument and facts.

Paula (on the other hand), Dietrich's mother, was the granddaughter, daughter and sister of men of whom gave their lives to theology or pastoring.  She filled every day with Bible reading and hymn singing.  She even taught her children the importance of a personal relationship with God (a very radical idea at the time!).  Paula instilled in her eight children her values of selflessness, expressing generosity, helping others and the serious respect for the feelings and opinions of others.

In today's age it would seem unlikely that two such opposite people/ideas would unite.  Perhaps it was odd in the 1900's as well.  What I found remarkable as I read through the chapter on Dietrich's parents was their united front.  Although they may have differing views, each spouse had an intense respect for the other.  Karl supported Paula in her upbringing of their children, and she taught their children in line with what he would be supportive.  They both desired to please the other and they both held each other in high respect and admiration.  This union brought discipline and order to the house since the children knew Dad would support Mom and vice-versa. 

This kind of dualistic environment of faith and science was the perfect breeding ground for a young theologian!  His curiosity was driven beyond empty faith into concrete study, observation and experience.  He was challenged to not only ask questions, but answer them too!

This chapter caused me to ask questions about my parenting and my marriage.  Am I creating an environment for my children to ask questions, do research and explore?  Do I respect my husband in such a way that my children see us as a team- even when we do not agree.  Hmm...lots to think about.

Psalm 90 Tradition

I have been reading a book about Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  As a child the family's New Year tradition included reciting Psalm 90.  Dietrich's mother, who was the spiritual leader in their household, always read this particular Psalm while the children watched the candles grow shorter.  After the Psalm, they sang a New Year's Eve hymn.

Psalm 90 reads~

Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations.

Before the mountains were born,

Or Thou didst give birth to the earth and the world,

Even from everlasting to everlasting, Thou art God.

Thou dost turn man back into dust, and dost say, 'Return, O children of men.'

For a thousand years in Thy sight are like yesterday when it passes by,

Or as a watch in the night.

Thou hast swept them away like a flood, they fall asleep;

In the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew.

In the morning it flourishes and sprouts anew;

Toward evening it fades and withers away.

For we have been consumed by Thine anger,

and by Thy wrath we have been dismayed.

Thou hast placed our iniquities before Thee,

our secret sins in the light of Thy presence.

For all the days have declined in Thy fury;

we have finished our years with a sigh.

As for the days of our life, they are seventy years,

Or if due to strength, eighty years,

Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow;

for soon it is gone and we fly away.

Who understands the power of Thine anger, and Thy fury,

according to the fear that is due Thee?

So teach us to number our days,

that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom.

Do return, O Lord; how long will it be? 

And be sorry for Thy servants.

O satisfy us in the morning with Thy lovingkindness,

That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us

and the years we have seen evil.

Let thy works appear to Thy servants,

and Thy majesty to their children.

And let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;

And do confirm for us the work of our hands;

Yes confirm the work of our hands."

God, as the New Year begins, let your works appear to your servants, confirm for us the work of our hands and satisfy us in the morning with your abounding lovingkindness!  Amen.