Brushed by Grief

Grief. 

Grief brushed past my heart this week and reminded me that life is precious and can change in an instant.

“Mom, you need to come here,” my son yelled to me on Monday as we’re hurriedly tried to pack up our trailer to head away on vacation.

“Is it really that important? I don’t have time.” I inquired back.

“Mom, you need to come here.” The tone in his voice was intense. I followed him outside where he showed me our neighbors little dog running around the green belt.

“Why is Tico out?” I thought out-loud.

“No. Look.” Micah pointed to a lump in the road.

My heart sunk. Our neighbor had collapsed.

My neighbor, Bob.

At my church we encourage people to love our neighbors. Learn their names, learn their dog’s names, learn their children’s names, watch for opportunities to serve and love them.

We have lived in our house for 8½ years. The neighbors on both sides of us are in their 80’s and my husband and I keep our eye on them and check in with them often just to be sure they are doing okay. I hadn’t realized how much I was loving my neighbors until tragedy struck.

My neighbor, Bob, walks his dog religiously three times a day. The entire block knows who he is and the name of his little doggie.

Life changes in an instant.

I sprinted across the driveway to Bob, yelling at my son along the way to bring me my cell phone. Bob had fallen off the sidewalk, onto the hot pavement onto his side. I picked Bob’s head off the pavement and held it in my hands while I did a quick assessment of the situation. I knew ambulances were expensive – I also knew Bob and Mary live without air conditioning to survive on their tight income. I didn’t want to make a premature 911 call.

“Bob,” I said, while I rubbed his arm and head, “this is Connie, your neighbor. I’m here, you’re not alone.”

I asked him some questions and knew immediately he didn’t just trip and fall. His speech was mumbled and his eyes were dilated. He was verbally responding to my questions, so he knew I was there, but I couldn’t understand his speech. Micah had arrived and called 911.

5 minutes.

While my son called 911, my daughter brought out a pillow to rest his head and my other daughter caught his dog. I stayed with Bob while my girls ran to inform his wife who has herself been ill for four months. In shock, she slowly walked outside, not understanding what was happening. The paramedics arrived within two minutes. I answered the paramedic’s questions and helped Mary interpret what they were saying and what was happening. 

"Are you his granddaughter?" I was asked multiple times. 

"No, I'm his neighbor." 

Just a few short minutes later he had been whisked away.

Caring for the Shocked.

I volunteered to stay with Bob, but when I looked at Mary, his wife - she was lost. I decided to stay with Mary. She almost couldn’t make it back inside - she was in shock. I helped her call her daughters, get dressed, find her shoes, grab a sweater. I got her ready just before her daughter arrived, she was hustled into the car and off to the hospital. The house was empty.

Just like that, in just a few short minutes, my sweet neighbor (I found out later that day) had had a blood clot go to his brain. The TV still played. The half-cup of juice still sat next to the TV tray at Bob’s chair. Time was frozen. I looked around knowing this house would never be the same.  

Bob survived long enough for his three daughters and grandchildren to say goodbye.

He passed away the next day.

Loving Our Neighbors.

My children and I have been at Shaver Lake trying to enjoy our vacation, but my thoughts are lost in my everyday interactions with my sweet neighbor that I will never see again. It’s strange how we get accustomed to routines and people – and nearly take them for granted! I had just waved at him when I had come home from work earlier that morning, just talked with him the night before – and now – in a moment his is gone.

I am glad to have been Bob’s neighbor and especially thankful that we were home and able to be Jesus’ hands to one of His precious children at the end of his life.

Feeling Like a Failure.

My biggest regret is that I never worked up the courage to have a faith-conversation with him. I asked God a few times about opening an opportunity for that conversation- but that never happened. I don't know why. Here is my 84-year-old neighbor, who better to have had that conversation with?! But I kept our chatting light, focused on children, grandchildren, traveling, jobs, activities – all good things- but not the most important thing. Being by someone’s side as they are transitioning out of this life, and not knowing where he/she stands with Christ Jesus, is horribly terrifying. We believe the lie that life will keep moving in the same direction indefinitely and that, perhaps, one day we'll have that conversation. 

If you remember nothing else in this blog, remember this: don't wait for another day to share your faith, or have a Jesus-conversation with people in your regular routine! Dallas Willard defines our neighbor as "anyone in whom we have regular contact." We do not know what tomorrow holds, lets love our neighbors today, by actions and by speech!

I’m still processing this whole event, so I don’t have any words of wisdom to bring into this situation. What I do know is that I loved my neighbor and am grieved at his passing. I will miss hearing his kind voice say my name and talk until the shade tree in the afternoon. I will always remember his head resting in my hands and the peace of God being present with us.

Hug your family and friends. Tell them you love them. And treasure life! Spread the light and life of the gospel around you, especially to the routine faces you see everyday, that you have grown accustomed to seeing. 

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love, does not know God for God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world, that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sin. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:7-11