My Journey of Fasting 2017

Background: Our church is participating in the church-wide Prayer & Fasting during the month of January. Last year, I did a juice fast, which was more tedious than hard. This year, I decided I'd go a bit more 'hard-core' and fast completely - at least for three days.

Anyone who know me, knows I am a HUGE coffee drinker! My coffee addition has always been my hangup when I consider fasting. I really want to fast, but it's such a process to get off coffee and then get back on coffee. (Pathetic, I know!) Well this year I decided to cut it all - coffee included.

Day 1: The Headache. 

My head pounded, my heart raced, my thoughts train wrecked into each other...I was a mess. My daughter was leaving back for her 2nd quarter at UCI that morning, so I wanted to treat her to one last good breakfast. Eggs and sausage, just like she likes it. As the smell of sausage lingered in the house and I kissed her goodbye, I was simultaneously telling my stomach to be quiet!

My fasting tends to start out with a battle of my flesh before I tap into hearing the voice of God. My Monday was that in a nutshell! I'd get hungry, my stomach would growl, my headache grew increasingly intense and I would say,

"I am a daughter of God! I do not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God! Be quiet flesh- you will not win!"

After a long day at work and my first day back at seminary (let me just say, a Greek instruction with no food and a pounding headache was not much fun!) I came home exhausted. Luckily I had leftovers prepared for my family so my meal-prep was minimal.

I'm proud to say I won round 1, but I was in bed by 7:00- exhausted.

Day 2: The Hormones.

Seriously? In case my lack of caffeine-headache wasn't bad enough, I woke up with my friendly female visitor! Now I wasn't sure if my stomach was cramping or wanted food. Regardless, this piece of flesh of mine was putting up a really good fight - but it was not going to win. No Advil or Tylenol could ease the pain of the headache or cramp in my gut! (Taking medication on an empty stomach is not healthy!)

"I am a child of God and my femininity will not knock me out of this race! Zip it stomach, 

quiet down head, peace to you uterus - you will not win!"

My nine-hour day at work pushed my body to the extreme. But I was determined to press forward.
I was in bed by 9:00, two-days of a horrible headache. But my flesh did not win. Laying my head on my pillow, I prayed for God's strength and grace to help me get through another day of this.

Day 3: Peace.

I woke up Wednesday to find my headache was gone! God's mercy is great and His love unfailing. My thoughts were still jumbled, but the fog was clearing.

Day 4: Sadness.

I've experienced a lot of sadness in 2016. Perhaps it was four days of no caffeine, perhaps it was the Holy Spirit slowly beginning to soften my heart, but whatever it was I was overcome with sadness on Thursday. In the shower. In the car. At work. I just broke down crying!

Each moment of tears represented deep pain coming out that I had stuffed in this year. Pain that I didn't want to see or deal with. But now, through fasting, prayer, and stillness, God was bringing to the surface the pain in my heart.

Day 5: Unraveling.

As my routine came more into focus and my praying more defined, I recognized an unraveling that began in my heart months ago. I felt like my thoughts, personality, goals, dreams, family were all falling apart from one another, becoming disconnected. The thread that holds my inner being together, that was woven between all these things is the Spirit of God. I felt I had become so busy, so driven, so focused that my 'joints' are loosening and the thread of the Spirit is pulling away. Almost like the Spirit doesn't feel like He has a place to dwell. I cried out with Moses' prayer,

"If your Presence does not go with us, then do not send us up from here." (Ex. 33:15)
I am nothing without You!

Day 6 & 7: Quiet.
During the next two days I experienced God's peace and rest. My mind was not racing with thoughts, my dreams were not fast-paced, and I was connecting to the stillness of God deep in my spirit. Those two days were heaven-on-earth. My heart rate was slower and my thoughts clear.

Unfortunately, as I reflected on the week ahead of me Sunday night, I recognized that the demands in my life are too extreme for me to be on a complete fast more than one week. I knew, logically, that I'd fall back into my vicious cycle all too quickly - and it made me sad.

Day 8+: Slow Beginnings & Back to Normal.
I was sad to drink smoothies over the next week to begin nourishing my body. I had events to attend to, children to care for and a job to work at - no more fasting for me. I slowly began coffee again on week 3, but (like expected) was back into my routine by week 4 - racing...racing....racing...

My time of fasting and prayer was awesome. The peace and presence of the Living God that I experienced was phenomenal. I was (and am) extremely sad to get back into my routine. My time with prayer and fasting has left me realizing my routine MUST change. The life I am living - the pace I am going - is craziness!

"God, give me courage to evaluate my life and make the changes I need to make to slow my pace so I can hear the speaking of your still small voice and experience your daily peace and presence."