What happened to Chivalry?

I was walking into Starbucks recently and had the sad realization that chivalry is dying- if not dead.

As I was walking toward the door, I noticed I was in-pace with an elderly gentleman (a Police Volunteer in uniform to top it!).  I had to make a quick decision to either speed up so I'd beat him to the door and avoid that awkward moment trying to decide who would open it or slow my pace down and let him arrive first.

I voted on slowing my pace- I was not in a hurry.

As he got to the door, I began thinking about how, after he opened the door, I was going to be sure he could still get in line before me.  My processing was stopped short when the door quickly closed in my face as he proceeded in.

I could, perhaps, argue that he didn't see me, which would be impossible since we were practically side-by-side approaching the door from the same direction.

Of course it wasn't personal, but somehow the encounter made me sad.  I, unfortunately, would expect the same kind of situation to happen with younger men, but I was saddened at the action of a man- probably in his 70's.  Stereotyping, I know- but sad nonetheless.

I stood in line and reflected.

I have an 11-year-old son.  I will stand at doors and wait for him to open them.  He helps me unload groceries out of the car.  He will (without me asking) bring me a cup of water when I'm out in the garden.  Yes, lots of shout-out's to Micah, but it is also a lot of teaching and modeling by Bret.

My 16-year-old daughter helps tear-down our church every Sunday in some capacity.  I am constantly on her case because when she is hauling tables or crates around, every so often (not as often as it should) a young man will offer to help her.  She has been trained by society to say, "I am woman. Hear me roar!"  Well, she doesn't say it quite like that.  But a part of her independence as a female feels threatened at an offer of help, so she refuses it.

After many talks, she has learned to put down the table- or whatever else she's carrying- and let the man help.

My husband puts gasoline in my car every week.  

He does that not because I am inept at filling up my car.  He does it to show me that he loves me.

My husband takes out the trash each week.

Not because I can't take out the trash, but to show me that he loves me.

My husband opens my car door for me to step-in.

Not because my nails are wet, or my hands are full, but to show me that he loves me.

Of course this kind of love is beyond the kindness of a stranger opening a door for a woman.  But I, honestly, feel bad the men.  Men can seemingly do nothing right.  If they open a door, they'll get some crazed woman telling him she can do it- which is quite an insult to his offer of being kind.  If they don't open the door, women are offended by their rudeness.  So instead, our men are slowly, one-by-one, opting for the safer method of just walking through the door.  

Now, years later, men have learned to stop opening doors, offering help and being kind- they don't even see the need when it arises.  And to make it worse, women (like me) say, "What happened to chivalry?" 

The answer: Women killed it.

What to do?

Fathers & Mothers: Teach your sons to be gentlemen and teach your daughters to receive their kindness and offer of help.

Men: Better to error on the side of a gentlemen than a jerk- please open the door.

Women: Be kind and say, "Thank You" to men who offer help or open up a simple door.