Can This Dust Live?

 My 2023 reflection on Ash Wednesday:

Though I was not raised in a Catholic or Orthodox tradition, I have always been fascinated by the mysteries of God uncovered by women and men who create spiritual rhythms (even seasons like Lent and Advent) to help us step into these mysteries by giving us handles to guide us along the way. 

Most guides I have read and experienced emphasize this idea of dust and connect Ash Wednesday to Genesis 3:19 speaking the words, "For you are dust and to dust you shall return." (NASB) 

Every living organism, be that human, animal, or plant is made up of earthly matter - matter which has its origin on earth. All living organisms, likewise, return to dust, as the author of Genesis eloquently states at the end of its lifespan.

We live in a closed-ecosystem in which no matter has left. The elements that made our earth billions of years ago are the same elements at work today. Yes, they change shape and purpose, but all the pieces of this place are the same. Similarly, the elements of every human who has ever lived, from the small miscarried baby to a dying 100-year-old, is still present on earth. 

When I ponder the significance of dust and ashes on Ash Wednesday, I can't help consider the magnitude and importance of our closed-system and wonder how this concept connects with the story of Jesus. 

During most Ash Wednesday services, participants are invited to receive the imposition of ashes - a time when ashes are wiped on a person's forehead or hand in the form of a cross accompanied by the words from Genesis, "For you are dust and to dust you shall return." In a very tangible way, this sign of the cross on our foreheads is an acknowledgement of our humanity and finitude. We all will again be dust. 

Five years ago I was given the gift to bestow the ashes for the first time. As a recipient, what we hear is the reminder that we will again return to dust - not necessarily words of comfort. But as the giver of the ashes, what I see is the cross. 

The Good News of Ash Wednesday is not in the ashes, but is in the sign of the cross.

These 'words of comfort' we so readily speak over people on Ash Wednesday are dooms-dayish and might possibly leave the participant hopeless and discouraged if separated from the work of Jesus. Our Ash Wednesday observances must be experienced through the cross.

Oftentimes, creative pastors (like myself) enjoy guiding people into these dark spaces of reflection to best feel and identify with our frailty and brokenness. Especially in contexts where the dark, hard, and ugly things of life are swept under the carpet, intentionally stepping into these spaces is good.

But what about people who live surrounded by darkness?

What about people who already feel hopeless?

What about people who are discouraged and don't have much hope for tomorrow?

How do our Ash Wednesday Services help these people? 

Our creativity to step into these dark places can be crippling to people already in the dark. I know we creative-types often enjoy the dark and the strong emotions those places bring, but we also need to be aware of the people we bring into these places and be sure to guide them back out - not leave them in darkness for 40-days. 

40-days is the time Jesus spent in the wilderness fasting and praying.

40-days is the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter (not including Sabbath/Sundays). 

But 40-days is a long time in the dark. 

As I reflected on the tension I was feeling between Ash Wednesday being a melancholy tradition and our hope found in Jesus Christ, the Spirit brought my attention to Ezekiel 37. In this text, the Spirit of God brings the prophet Ezekiel out into the desert and shows him a valley of dry bones. The Spirit asks Ezekiel the question, "Son of man, can these bones live?"

Being smarter than us 21st-Century theologians, the wise Ezekiel answers, "Sovereign Lord, you alone know." 

Within the next verses that transpire, the Spirit of God lifts these bones and ashes up from the ground. The Spirit attaches sinews, tendons, and muscle; covers the bodies with flesh and skin before finally breathing life into this giant army. 

Jesus also died. Jesus let go of His Spirit on the cross and succumbed to the curse of death that all of us will one day confront. Jesus' body was laid in a tomb to endure the slow decomposing into dust - but something tremendously different and wonderful occurred.

Just like the army of bones Ezekiel saw in the Old Testament, Jesus also experienced the breath of God breathing life back into his bones.

The Spirit of God used Jesus' material matter of this earth and recycled him into a New Creation. One that looked like a gardener with fresh dirt under his fingernails; recognizably Jesus one minute and unidentifiable the next. The tomb was empty because resurrection uses up our earthly matter to transform us into a New Creation in Jesus Christ.

As I reflect on identifying with my humanity and the ashes to which I will one day return, I also must connect the hope I have in the resurrection and New Creation found with the salvific work of Jesus as part of my narrative. Celebrating Ash Wednesday, separated from the cross, is hopeless. Honoring Ash Wednesday as a way to lean into our humanity with the comfort of the Cross tempers our fear of tomorrow and gives us a grounding hope that returning to ash will not be the end of our story just as it was not the ending story of Jesus. 

As you may have received ashes yesterday, please remember the hope of the resurrection we have in Christ Jesus. Let's remember to enter the barrenness and darkness of the desert with Jesus as our guide.

From dust we shall indeed return - but that is not the end of our story anchored in Jesus.

 

The Power Behind the Hook

Have you ever watched a fish wriggle and flip when it's pulled out of water? 

Swimming along, the fish eats something that looks and smells like food.

The fish continues swimming only to be yanked backward and discover it is caught; the delicious morsel was not food, but bait. 

The tug of the fishermen fastens the ingested metal hook deep into its body cavity. The fish cannot be freed on its own.

The fish fights against the pulling of the fisherman as it attempts to swim away. 

But the more it fights, the more imbedded the hook penetrates and anchors itself.

The more it wriggles and flips, the more of a prisoner it becomes.

Is the fish acting aggressively? Yes.

Might the fish hurt the fisherman in their anxious attempt to breathe? Yes.

Is the fish suffocating? Yes.

Notice who is calm in this story? 

The fisherman. The person with the hook - the person with power.

Who looks out-of-control in this story? The fish. The one with the hook in it's mouth.

Perhaps we need discernment to not discount the fish trying to breathe, but to also notice the person in the calm of the boat holding the power of the hook.

 

I Thought Wrong

I thought we were creating a culture of TOV.

I thought we were working toward a culture of goodness.

I thought we were putting the individual before the organization.

I thought we were prioritizing Christlike service over hierarchy.

I thought I had been adopted into a family.

I thought my voice mattered.

I thought I was more than what I did.

I thought we were moving toward Jesus.

I thought we were being truthful.

I thought this was a place of healing.

I thought I was working with friends.

I thought my education, experience, and gifts were blessings.

I thought wrong.

Prayer & Fasting - Week 1

Week 1

"Prayer Method"

Lectio Divina. This is an ancient practice of reading a short amount of scripture and then meditating on it. 'Lectio Divina' is Latin for 'Divine Reading." If you're new to Lectio Divina, I recommend beginning by spending 2-minutes on each step (5-minutes is the goal). It's always better to start small and desire more than to start too large and get bored. This is a prayer practice which will take time to learn.

Lectio Divina is a template to help you connect with God. You are welcome to adjust the structure. One of the goals of Lectio Divina is to guide us in listening to the Spirit and set us up for spiritual transformation. 

For many of us raised on transactional prayer practices where we feel the need to barter with God or convince God into action, this practice will feel like you're wasting your time. Deep soul work takes time and begins from the inside-out. In allowing the Spirit to transform us, our prayers, then become more aligned with God's heart so we can partner with God as whole and healed people for the sake of our world.

1. READ 

Read the Colossians scripture slowly 3x.

2. REFLECT

Ask the Spirit of God to reveal a word or phrase that stands out to you from the text. Reflect on that word/phrase. Consider it's meaning, history, your experience with that word/phrase. Listen to the Spirit bringing to your mind related thoughts and/or experiences. 

3. WRITE

Spend time writing about your reflections. Why did you choose that word/phrase? Why was it highlighted by the Spirit for you? What emotions does this word/phrase bring up for you? What is happening in your life that this word/phrase may be speaking into? Turn your reflections into a prayer. 

4. REST

Suspend all thought and sit quietly with God. If your thoughts begin to wander, recite your word/phrase from above to bring you back to your focus. Trust that God heard your worry, anxiety and/or longing, and is acting on your behalf. 

Monday, January 9th

Colossians 1:1-2

Tuesday, January 10th

Colossians 1:3-8

Wednesday, January 11th

Colossians 1:9-12

Thursday, January 12th

Colossians 1:13-16

Friday, January 13th

Colossians 1:17-20

Saturday, January 14th

Colossians 1:21-23

Sunday, January 15th

Colossians 1:24-29

2023 City Prayer Nights

 

Prayer & Fasting

Today begins 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting. 

Learning to pray is a life-long journey of communicating and being transformed by our Loving God while we witness God's interaction in our lives. Though I have been praying since I was a child, I recognize I still have so much more to learn and experience in prayer while also being grateful for the depths of God I have come to know through prayer.

Why Fast and Pray?

I bring these two practices together as a way of centering my heart, mind, and spirit on God while holding something else close (a situation, a person, a need, etc...). 

Fasting helps me quiet my bodily desires and abilities. This causes me a greater experience of silence. Fasting can be done in numerous ways. For a quick summary on fasting logistics, history and encouragement, click on the fasting brochure link below. If time allows, I may write about my personal experience of fasting in a later blog. My perspectives and approach have changed and continue to change. 

In seasons of fasting, we find we also have more time to spend in prayer. (NOTE: Unless you're in the stage of life where you have children at home in which case, fasting doesn't automatically give you "extra time." A key to experiencing a life-giving time of prayer begins with acknowledging the season you're in and giving yourself grace to participate in Prayer & Fasting in a manner that works best for you. We can't chart where we want to go without knowing first where we are.) I have learned I am more transformed in the silent embrace of God's presence than I am in rigorous study. With that said, however, I also believe we need to read scripture and listen closely for God's Spirit speaking to us in the text. "Praying" over the next 21 Days will be a time in which we weave together scriptures, prayers, and silence, allowing the Spirit of God to hover over our scriptures and speak to our hearts.

What can I Expect in Reading this Prayer Blog about Prayer?

We'll be reading through the book of Colossians over the next three weeks. I've mapped out Colossians so as to provide a short scripture to read each day. I chose Colossians because it is a book that speaks about prayer as well as the spiritual powers and dominions at work in our world. My focus through Colossians will be to equip us with scripture as we step into contemplative prayer, transformational prayer, and join with God in praying for God's Kingdom to Come into our cities, workplaces, families, churches, schools, and communities. I'm not going to write reflections with each scripture this year. I am confident if you use the text from Colossians and follow the prayer guide you will learn, hear and be transformed. 

I'll start off each week with a "Prayer Practice" to try for that week. The prayer practice will be a guide to structure your time and will involve a text from Colossians, reflection and silence (and yes, those are different). If you're someone who journals, this is a good season to write what you're hearing the Spirit speak (no matter how unusual). I like to track what I'm hearing, experiencing, sensing, and ways I'm seeing God interact with me. Maybe even jot down your focus word or phrase that you meditate on each day. 

I'll post every Monday morning (Sunday night if I'm on it) each week with the Prayer & Fasting graphic so it's easy to spot. I may post other reflections on the reading from Colossians or my experience in prayer and fasting, but those will not have the logo. 

My hope is that at the end of the 21 days, you'll have three new ways to pray and also a better understanding of praying through scripture.

My prayer is that those things that have been tearing at your heart, or weighing down your spirit would experience God's presence, be surrounded by God's healing and that you would experience freedom and answers from God. 

I believe wholeheartedly that God does hear our prayers and our cries for help. God desires to be our partner in life - the good and the bad. Let's set out on this journey over the next 21 days to experience the power and the presence of God. 

City-Wide Prayer Nights

If you live in the Fresno/Clovis Area, another component of this 21 Days of Prayer & Fasting focus is a chance to pray with others each night. Below is a link to our 2023 City Prayer Nights. Spending time in silent prayer is life-giving for our souls. But in corporate prayer, God really gets to shine! Our faith was meant to be lived and expressed within community. The book of Colossians itself was written by Paul to a community of believers in Colossae. It was a book to be read in the presence of others - prayed together with others. I encourage you to look over the list of churches and choose at least one church to attend. Go with the decision to engage in prayer with the people there. Even better, look for a church that is different than the church you attend. God speaks in a variety of ways and is alive and well in churches across our cities, speaking in numerous languages and cultures. Embrace the beauty of diversity this season as we get to step into the churches of our sisters and brothers and pray together. 

Blessings to you on your journey! May God be near.

Pastor Connie 

2023 City Prayer Nights

2023 Prayer Brochure

Watch Out for Cyclists

Recently I was talking to some friends about the idea of Limits and Losses. In our discussion about limits, we were sharing about limits we feel in our lives - some good and others not so good. As human beings, we are finite creatures with limits built into our DNA; our limits are not liabilities but are part of simply being human. Some of our limits are God-giving blessings and other limits are imposed on us by others. One of the challenges of life is to recognize this difference.

When it was my turn to share I explained that being a woman is one of the things that have limited me.

Confused, a lady asked me to explain what I meant; she (somehow) had never felt like she had been limited due to her femininity. 

I tried to explain myself, but couldn't find adequate words, only example after example of ways I have experienced this limit.

The next day, I noticed a woman penned an analogy that helped give better definition to what I was trying to communicate:

Being a woman is kind of like being a cyclist in a city where all the cars represent men.

You're supposed to be able to share the road equally with cars, but that's not how it works.

The roads are built for cars and you spend a great deal of physical, mental and emotional energy operating on the defense and trying not to get hurt.

Some of the cars WANT you to get hurt. They think you don't have any place on the road at all.

And if you do get hurt by a car, people make excuses that it's the fault of the cyclist not the fault of the car.

Wow - what a fabulous analogy. The cars are not wrong for driving on the road nor are the cyclists wrong for riding on the road. The conflict comes when the more powerful vehicle (which has the potential for life-taking damage) is not aware of the speed, space, and scope of his vehicle. Whether unaware or purposeful, great harm can come from a driver who is simple unaware.

Years ago when I was first learning to drive, I was taught that before merging into traffic or changing lanes I needed to always look twice for motorcyclists. I had a few friends who drove motorcycles and had heard some terrifying stories from their personal experience about accidents and near-misses. It set in me an attitude to always watch-out for and be aware of motorcyclists driving near or toward me.

In thinking about the analogy of women as cyclists on a road with men I wondered how many "accidents" we could avoid by simply watching for and being aware of women around us. What would it take for men to be aware of the danger of "cycling" and to create a space where women don't feel they have to be constantly on the defense. 

This analogy struck me at a practical level because I am someone who actually loves to ride my bike. I am also someone who has an exaggerated fear of riding a bike with cars. None of my three children ride bikes and I wonder how much of that is my own fear I have projected onto them. The fear of not trusting drivers on the road. 

Unfortunately, I have a similar fear of men in power who are unaware of the damage and pain they cause to women. I don't typically work with men who are intentional in their "poor driving," but I have worked with many men who were simply unaware; good, kind men who were never taught to look twice for how their decisions and behavior may affect the women around them.

Is part of the solution changing the vehicles/bicycles? Is it reducing the motor-power of vehicles and reinforcing bikes with protective gear? Changing how our "roads" are built? Of course it would be easier to limit cyclists from riding on the roads or to limit engine-powered vehicles from driving on bike-paths. We all know the ease of being with people similar to ourselves. But how do we travel some of these roads together? How can we work alongside one another?

That's enough of my rambling for today. I continue to hold out hope that one day we can all journey together without fear of one another but in celebration of our differences.

Goodbye to a Classroom

I can be overly-sentimental...but I try to keep my emotions in check and not react too much when I'm facing an emotionally-volatile situation.

I felt a weight today as I cleaned out a classroom at church. The preschool who rents our building is growing and needing more space (good for them). They are adding this room at the end of July (not good for me). 

Oh, I'm sure we'll survive and I can "simply" adjust classrooms, volunteers, pencil boxes, classroom bins, toys, supplies, routines and schedules. The church will benefit a bit monetarily and the preschool can expand, but it sure feels like a loss to me.

I took posters of scriptures down from the walls, cleared North Fresno Church kids' faces from bulletin boards, removed a kid-friendly world-map and peeled labels off the inside of cabinets.

I may "rent" this room again on a Sunday morning but the atmosphere will be one of of a preschool not a classroom dedicated to teaching children about Jesus.

I warned you I'm in a melancholy mood.

I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough, but today...

    ...I'm frustrated,

    ...I'm angry,

    ...I'm defeated,

    ...I'm sad.

Goodbye Room 203 with your south-facing windows, sink, and built-in cabinets. I will miss the sunshine pouring in on a Sunday morning and a sink to wash my hands with my own lavender soap. Simple, insignificant things indeed.

Goodbye.